Well today is my last day of my tour, and I’m in Santiago de Compostela, in northern Spain. I feel elated, I feel calm, I feel joyous, and of course tired. But what I can’t stop thinking about, is love.
And the most annoying kind of love, was sitting beside me at the tapas bar this afternoon. Kissing and caressing each other every 8 seconds. And I’m serious, I counted. The most seconds I got to before I heard another smooch, all too close to my ears, was 8 seconds. I felt like I was in the bedroom with them, as his hands touched her thighs, he stood between her legs, and she laughed and he kissed her neck. Hello!!! Don’t forget that I’m here, please! Here I am alone (as per usual), at the one spot left at the bar, eating my tapas and having a glass of wine, 15 centimetres away from them. There is no way to ignore them. And I tried my darnedest to remind myself that I was in Spain, people do this kind of stuff here and it’s normal, we are human, when you are in love you can’t get enough of each other. So I sat there, looking out the window, looking at my plate, looking at the bottom of my empty wine glass, and at my reflection in the mirror behind the bar, which was, of course, beside their reflection. I looked back at myself, and thought, “God dammit.”
I tried to think of the last time I was really in love. I do feel nostalgic about love. Being able to wake up beside someone who makes your feel like your bed is your whole world and your only universe, and falling into that person’s eyes as soon as they flicker open. Perhaps I’m feeling nostalgic about love, because in Spain, love is everywhere. It is sculpted into architecture, stories of love in art, it is accepted as an important attributing factor to historical events, local guides even talk about their cities with a pulse of love coming through their words. Back home in Canada, I find love to be closed off in a way. As though we are afraid to love uninhibitedly. Afraid to hold someones hand, to tell them they are beautiful, to gaze deeply into someones eyes, to kiss with your heart, to tell someone that you think they are the moon and all the stars in the sky and that every second without them you miss them. Why do we protect our hearts so much? What is there to fear anyway? Heartache? I guess. But I would take all the heartaches in the world to feel love in those precious moments. Whether it lasts forever or not. I believe that you know, in your soul, in your bones, in your heart, in every vibration of your very being when you have a real connection with someone. Maybe it lasts a day, a week, sixty years, forever until you breathe your last breath. But it’s real.
Love is what makes life beautiful and exquisite. That is what the annoying couple beside me reminded of. That it is important to let yourself go, to love like no one is watching – except, of course, when there is actually someone watching, because they are sitting 15 centimetres away from you.
As for me, I’ll just continue to eat my ice-cream like no one is watching.